my vag is so smooth its legendary
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
