when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
