the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
