On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
