if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
