were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
