My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
