remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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