OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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