I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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