WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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