Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
