Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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