Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
