I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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