I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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