i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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