Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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