There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
