What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she woke up with a sticky ear
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
