it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
