I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Send help, water and tortillas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
