i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
