where does the pee come out of this thing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
