Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
