Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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