Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
