im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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