he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
