I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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