hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
