I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
