the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
