I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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