He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
