do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
