i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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