I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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