I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
