I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
