This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
