Where is the hickey?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
