Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i now understand why vodka
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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