ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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