her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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