can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i peed on brittanys purse
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
