Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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