Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
