She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
