Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
