so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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