so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude i'm inner monologue high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
