sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Vodka?
Forever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
